Its kinda sad when Im walking home from work and its ushal around the time the school's are just out. You see 12 to 14 year olds bullying right in front of you.
I saw a boy walking in front of them and the 2 boys behind him were shouting names like "fatty" and making dog noises. It just reminds me of when I was 12.
I was a chubby child when growing up and still battling the bulge.
Its not always boys. I see the same thing happinging to girls.
In my case I was bullied off boys.
I remember being around 12 years old maybe 13. I was walking home from school and bunch of boys lived in the same area as me so they followed me right to my house. Spitting on me throwing rocks at me calling me names like fatty and ugly and beast. I came home crying to my mum and she phoned the school. For once the school actualy did something and spoke to the boys and phoned my mum back and said "they said Cara started it" and my mum said "well what you going to do about it, I highly doubt my daughter would get wide with about 5 boys when she's herself" and their reply was "well they said she started it so it must of been her."
From that day on. I couldnt give a fuck what the school said to me. If I wanted to skip school. I would. Even when they pulled me up about it. I still did it. I hated them. Thats when my moods started changing.
I had 2 friends and a few other people I would speak to but when they were off school ill, I was alone in the playground making me a target for everyone in my year to bully. I admit I was never attacked or punched and I am greatfull for that but the words still hurt me. I still see myself as that ugly fat 12 year old. I was very different. Like I said before I was slower than alot of people. I didn't understand things as much but people that ment I was stupid. Kids don't know any better they see someone different and use it as a target. It still upsets me and sometimes I wish I could go back and beat the living shits out of everyone of them.
They think they have done nothing wrong because they dont remember. When I started getting taller, I slimmed down alot and lost a bit of my puppy fat. I was growing hips and boobs so the name "fatty" went away but it didnt stop them. I was now Ugly, crazy, stupid, smelly, beast. I grew more angry and angry but never showed it. I was 14 and very unhappy. Then me and a friend started to get into a crown around the town. The goth/emo/punk sorta crowd. They were ok people but it was the wrong crowd. Started drinking and smoking because it was the only way out of it all. I wasnt getting along with my mum that well either. We would come into school for one class then just walk out the door and use our lunch money for bus fair into town. So we wouldnt eat. I would come home around 10 at night and go straight to bed. I was basicly starving myself but not doing it intentionly. I never got skinny but you could tell I was ill. My skin was pale and I look tierd all the time. My mum found out bout it all and took me to a doctor. They didn't care that I was inches away from suicide all they cared about was that I wasn't eating. I still continued to what I was doing and whenever I went to school they started making fun of my style. I turned into a goth would dye my hair constantly and wear baggy clothes or skinny jeans and loads of eyeliner. My friend got the same but she didnt care she had her own problems to deal with. I became extraimly depressed some days I would lie in my bed to 7am then just forget school and sleep till my mum got home. I would pretend I just got in the door from school. I am open about this I was self harming. That started when I was really young but got worse at that time. I would never show my arms, I would smash glasses. take apart razers or use anything to hurt myself. Even light a candel and burn myself with the wax. Then some bad happened when I was 15. My grandpa pass away with massive heart attack. He was like a second father to me. He was one of my best friends, he was such a good man always saw the good in people. Told me that I made him proud that one day I will be what I want to be and show everyone that Im better than what they say, but he just left...like that. That brought me down ever more. My mind was so confused I couldn't stop thinking, me and mum were constantly fighting. I stopped going to school for about a month. I did turn up for my prelims but didn't do very well in them. After that all I cared about was myself. I would leave in the morning and insted of using my lunch money for bus fair I would use it for engery juice. Not food just juice and me and my friend would walk into town as it onlytook about half an hour. I was loosing alot of weight but I was still podgy and big. My arms were destroyed with cuts and even my legs and thighs but one day I relised what I was doing was getting me knowere. I decided to go back to school and proof that Im stronger but still people would notice my arms or see the cuts through my tights and call me attention seeking and emo. I refused to do swimming which got me into n argument with my P.E teacher. I never went to my prevocational thing every friday. I just laughed at the teacher when he told me "you have no choice you HAVE to go there." I still never went. They pretending they gave a shit when they didn't so there fore I never gave a shit about them. Things got a little better when I was turning up for 16, I think alot of people were starting to mature and they were being alot more nice to me, but I was still angry. So I left weeks before my 16th.
That is nothing to what other people have been through in their lives but this still effected me.
and to this day I wonder if this is one of the reasons why Im like this?
Who knows...
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